Rockhunter, Issue 12, June 2004 — Midsummer Campaign Special
“Like ancient woodland, streams in flood / Her gaze is sudden, for she is good.”
— Creamed Jeans, “Midsummer Maiden”
Deny Bad Promoter
Okay!!! This is the Rockhunter Summer Campaign. We’re against the landlords and rent agents of rock ‘n’ roll. For too long, dem a run ting inna Brighton music have got away with—well, if not murder, then certainly all the cash, while the bands get 4 cans.
In the words of Peter Tosh, in his classic “Rent Man”, “Landlord, dem a pressure tenant…/ […] when him collect, he smile again, that’s the only time he’s my friend. But that friendship only last for three weeks, as three weeks’ time the rent due again.” And, of course, “If you get drop, him na get na wrong.” Right?!
Or, as Mark E Smith might say: “Deny Bad Promoter! / Addresses acolytes in mod vernacular. / Resents the £3 NUS shortfall / See him escort the visiting rocker! […] Untamed Santa! His occult intent is unclear. […] Says: Do a good job son! / You are Where Power Comes From. […] Pipistrelle!”*
Basically, why not kick ‘em out and do it yourself? That way, you don’t have to deal with Bad Promoter, whose friendship only lasts for three weeks prior to the gig, when the rent’s due again. BP will soon be ligging around some other berks!!
If you want to play some discs or get a show with your group, promise a pub or club a packed house, photocopy the usual A3 posters and flyers, and get in there!! You don’t need the so-called professionals!!! Just remember, all they do is pick up the rent!!!
I can’t believe you lot put up with so much shit!!! What is it? Are you all stuck to your chairs?! Struck dumb?!! You really wanna live in psychic slavery?!!
Bad Promoter is The Man in town. His hand is sunburnt from pointing at you, getting you running, doing his bidding!! “Bring me a li’l water, boy…and tell me what’cha listening to right now”, Bad Promoter says, sneering behind shades, hiding cocaine eyes, his meaty finger pointing at the trough, to where you must shuffle in the dust, despite your chains of wanting new sounds. Then, as the rest of the water’s poured on the ground, despite your obvious thirst, Bad Promoter will mentally note your requirement for musical freedom, only to tighten your shackles…
Far out!!! This could catch on…Phew!…It’s powerful stuff!! I feel my lungs expanding and my head bursting!! Alright!!!!
Without the talent there is no promoter. Strike now!! Withdraw your labour!! And audiences…either refuse to dance, or go somewhere else!!!
Remember, Bad Promoter will attempt to follow your lead and stake a claim to what you’ve found. That’s because BP has learnt the activist code and will jump in to claim responsibility for the actions of others, so as to raise the profile and look good.
Anything you say, or like, may be taken down by Bad Promoter and used against you on posters for “new” club nights, where they play the same old shite, with an “exciting” new angle.
The Townie Controversy II: Deny Bad Promoter (Slight Return)
Well, judging from the amount of mail I’ve received, it looks like this whole townie thing has stirred you lot up a bit! I’ve got to say I’m a bit puzzled. From the majority of the mails I’ve had, it seems that I’ve over-reacted, and “townie” is just the current way of referring to rough types who like a beer and laugh. Back in the day we used to talk about smoothies, who liked to give the punks a hard time. Then it was herberts, swiftly followed by casuals. Okay, maybe I have got the wrong end of the stick…
Or, maybe I haven’t!! After telling us all that she’s expanding her empire by colonising a “former townie joint”, this Liz Massey creature shows us where her feelings really lie by implying that all the oiks from Whitehawk should stay there and not mess up her segregationist vision of an Indie-oriented, non-townie Brighton. How? By saying: “I can’t do anything about the No 1 bus passing every seven minutes I’m afraid!” She doesn’t want the Whitehawk bus passing her “exciting” new venue!! Maybe she’d be happier with cattle trucks…
Dear oh fucking dear!! Imagine the temerity of those bastards from East Brighton for daring, on their way home, to pass the very place she’s chosen to colonise and single-handedly dominate the local music scene.
As far as I’m concerned, this town needs Bad Promoter like it needs a council that can’t tip rubbish!! We all remember the Bad Promoters over the years. Ever been in a band, got a gig, been given four cans and a promise, then played your heart out for nowt?! Yeah, you know!!! BPs deserve the ignominy and psychic distress of growing old in a youth-oriented business.
And talking of which…
A Dozen Issues In…And Still Chooglin’
We’re a dozen issues old, who’d a thunk it?! No, me neither!!! And, without a Shadow of Doubt (Man, I hated that band!!—Ed.) I’ll get cracking and do the next installment of British Beat Re-Boomed…& there’ll be the reviews I promised last time…and…I’ve just seen a female thrush fiercely devouring a piece of polystyrene packing…that’s the spirit of summer!!
Look, I get these funny feelings down inside of me, okay?!
Big hugs and big XXXs, Ed.
Plus, we’re online!!! Go to www.geocities.com/rockhunteronline
* Thanks to my old mucker Alan for these words. His Fall tribute band, Nause, will play the Pressure Point, 21 June; and to Mrs. ’Hunter for paste-up ‘n’ print, as ever.
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Reproduction of Rockhunter Summer Campaign flyer
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